Tweakers
You’ve become this thing. This thing that I know. And I know it pretty well. Which means you didn’t become anything, you just tweaked yourself. For the past few years I thought you were different, unreachable and untouchable, but I was wrong. You’ve been here, just as you were there, only now you’re not mine.
And that makes me wonder if I’m still me, only tweaked. That I’m still the girl you knew and loved, just a little bit different. Of course, it’s possible that I’m not just tweaked, and that my entire engine has been replaced with a new, no, no, just a different engine. You swapped out parts, I swapped out the entire transmission. Or maybe I just have a few new parts. I can’t tell.
Ok, so, despite not knowing enough about myself and my changes, I’ve confirmed that you’ve tweaked. And those changes you made didn’t alter my view of you, but somehow my view has been altered. I’m so disconnected from the ways that used to be way too connected to you. But I’m still connected in other ways, strange ways. It’s like whatever part of myself I tweaked isn’t connect to where you’ve been tweaked. We only replaced the parts that didn’t touch each other’s parts.
Maybe you did tweak those parts in yourself though and I just can’t tell. Maybe my altered view is skewed because of whatever I changed inside myself. I blinded myself of your fundamentally altered state through tweaks in myself. But why would I do that? Why would I want to see you in the same light after all this time? Why would I tweak to change myself, but also tweak to think that you’re the same? That just doesn’t make sense.
Does anything make sense though? Any part of life? I think it’s mere chaos. Tweaking happens, but this life remains in constant chaos. The insanity has tried to change us and in many ways it has achieved it’s goal. Our tweaking isn’t by choice. Maybe we are the only constant and the world is in chaos so try as we might to be what we want, the world chooses.
we are Tweaked, but not by choice.
Filed under: Rambles, Random, Writing | 1 Comment
Mostly written in January. Finished it up. Not sure why I’m on a kick about the world being complete chaos. Probably so I stop blaming everything shitty on myself and my family.
Hmm…
I think maybe I should have studied more psychology so I stopped randomly psycho-analyzing myself without knowing what I’m really talking about. (I’ll save that for my third Bachelors Degree- right after Economics. )