Meh. Fuck it.
Sometimes I think that the best option to continue living is to withdraw from other people completely. That is how I’ve been feeling for almost a week now. I don’t know why I get this feeling. Are people being too demanding on me by wanting to hang out all the time? Because if that is the case, I am disappointed in myself. If it’s something else, I might not feel as bad.
I take it out on my family more than anything, really. Lately, I’ve been really down on my mom for asking 180 questions about anything and everything. I might snap. Maybe I need to snap. Maybe if I snapped, there would be some kind of revelation, a relief of sorts that cures me of this damn feeling. It’s just that I can’t do anything else to find the relief. I hang out with the fam and they don’t seem to care, I stay in my room or the basement alone and automatically something is wrong and if I leave the house, I come home to the silent treatment or out-right rude behavior. And that’s after being hunted down and asked what I’m doing, who I’m with, and where I’m at every couple hours. I can’t win anymore and I just want out- totally and completely OUT.
I feel like Hell about everything. Life, Love, Money, Friendships… I can’t win lately, unless I’m being selfish and I’m at the gym. Somehow that’s the only acceptable location I can be. But I still get the 20 questions- how long were you there? when did you go? how many people were there? Are you sore? Was Jen with you? I don’t want to tell them anything. It drives me nuts.
And through all this frustration, I can’t even find the tears to just let it out.
Life sucks.
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This blog is a few weeks old, and I know you are having different emotions these days – some similar – but also new good ones. Nonetheless, I wanted to say don’t retreat. I think we’ve talked about this before. Retreat is defeat! That was lame. Uhh… I just don’t want you to lock up all your emotions and stop sharing. Sharing is caring. Wow. I’m on a roll. Ugh. Really though, that’s what friends are for. Talk it out. It helps me deal with things. Then again, maybe that’s just me. Ruv you.
I hate being hunted down like that as you call it, I’m living at home for the summer and my parents are constantly asking me what I’m doing and where I’ve been. I empathise!